goodbye, jack
by okelay
Summary: Sam POV. post the lost city season 7 finale. samjack


I have to say goodbye now...Jack

And i know it's not forever.

I know i'll see you again.we'll get you out. We'll contact the Asgard or whoever's necessary to save you.

But that doesn't make it any better.

Doesn't stop the tears from forming behind my eyes.

But i will not cry.

Danny and Teal'c can't see me cry.

I have to be strong.

And crying would be weak right now. It won't help you. Or me.

We have other things to focus on. We have a job to do.

In the military you learn everything has it's moment. You must always be ready to fight but sometimes you can let your guard down and relax,have fun.

mourning, crying and other admissions of sadness or defeat don't have a moment. They are never acceptable..

You have to worry about the enemy. About getting out alive, not about those who will not come out. Cause it will only get you killed.

You leave no man behind, and that includes you.

No one can know. Not my dad, not danny,not teal'c

How much it hurts to be here without you.

I wish janet was here. I could talk to her. But she's gone..she won't come back

I don't want to continue.

I don't know if i can. Id just like to stay here with you.

But i have to continue.

I don't get a choice.

Because if i did, i'd make the worst one right now.

I won't give up

I know you're counting on me

To bring you back

Like so many other times

Ive never failed you and i dont plan on starting

i'll do it. Somehow, i'll save you.

I'd do anything fo you.

I have.

Somethings i never thought i was capable of.

I probably wouldn't even have been able to do it if it weren't for you.

I hear you, in my head.

I hear you telling jokes

Trying to cheer me up

Telling me not to work so hard

To sleep

To eat

To go home.

But i am home. And you know it.

This is our home

Our apartments, they are just empty places.

We rarely spend any time there.

We go to sleep some day , to change clothes,to get civilian clothes..

I think it's hard to say whose house it's more abandon.

We have lived the greatest part of our lives here

And we will most likely die here.

We are lucky people in a way

We love our jobs.

More than each other.

I love you but im not willing to give this up

And neither are you.

Not knowing it could turn out really bad and we will have lost everythign.

But somedays i wonder if it's worth it

Somedays i wanna send everyone , everything to hell

Just to be with you.

But it's just a fantasy. I could never do that.

The guilt would just be too much

If we have survived this long is only because we have always placed ourselves last.

This is no place for selfish people

You have to be willing to give everything up for others

People you will never know, who will never know what you have done.

But the ultimate sacrifice it's not giving your life.

That is easy.

If giving up on your life. Put it on pause and never press play again.

You can find love here.

I have, and so many others.

But this love cannot blossom with the threats hanging over our heads.

We keep it hidden.

It grows in our hearts, but no one knows it.

I feel it and i see it in the rest.

None of us are happy.

We can't afford to be happy

We live on hope.

We know that they will be gone one day.

Maybe we won't defeat them

Or the people after us.

But they will die.

You bring out the best in me.

It's for you i've worked the hardest i have ever worked.

Always having to save you

Each time i think i'll lose you and then somehow, you're back.

You know me better than anyone

It's scary and wonderful at the same time.

It's in your arms i long to be, to wake up every morning and see you

But they have also become a feared place

It's so comfortable i don't ever wanna leave

I feel safe in your arms but i can never enjoy it fully, knowing it can't last

I fear one day i won't be able to leave

I'll come clean and everything will be ruined.

I would tell you i love you

And you would say it back

But then we'd have to forget it ever happened

Because i know, i couldn't work side by side with you, knowing and not being able to be with you.

They say knowing is better than wondering, but i don't wanna know.

I don't wanna know that i could have you but you're off-limits.

I'd rather live with the hope one day the limits will broaden to fit you.


End file.
